Christmas ornaments and the sounds of the holiday season...

In the tender embrace of Christmas, where melodies weave tales of joy and merriment, there lies a poignant truth. While the season whispers promises of warmth, for many, it unfolds as a tapestry of heartache and teardrops. I, too, have danced amidst these contrasting notes, a symphony of emotions that once harmonized within the span of a single day. The exhaustion of navigating through these varied hues has etched Christmas into my soul—a season where, at times, retreat seemed the only solace, a sanctuary from a world adorned in festive cheer.

Yet, amidst the echoes of my past, a gentle transformation unfolds in the simplicity of this year's Christmas with my beloved spouse. Our tree, adorned not with extravagant embellishments, but with the fragments of our journey since the inception of our love story, stands as a testament to resilience. Each ornament, a vessel of memories, carries a story, some written in the ink of moments I yearn to erase. Still, within those shadows, I discovered the alchemy of becoming a better version of myself—a person, I believe, MorMor and Abuela would gaze upon with pride.

In the soft glow of our modest Christmas, the ornaments shimmer not only with the sparkle of festive lights but with the radiance of transformation. It is a quiet celebration, where the depth of our shared history intertwines with the promise of a brighter future. As we stand beneath the branches heavy with tales, I find solace in the realization that, despite the hardships, I have emerged stronger, and Christmas, once a complex melody, now plays a simpler, more harmonious tune.

This is one of the oldest sets of ornaments we put on our Christmas tree each year. This time he hung them as I asked, "Could you please have them hold hands this year?"

These tiny sweaters hold a special place in our home, not just for their cozy threads but for the memories woven into every stitch. Acquired in the quiet aftermath of Christmas during a Target sale, they symbolize a time when our resources were scant, yet our hearts were rich in resilience.

This was given to us the year that Annie passed away. 

Our friends found it at a store in Leavenworth, WA.

Back then, our modest means were pooled in a change drawer, collecting every penny and dime we could spare. Curious about their age, I turned to my husband. His eyes narrowed, focusing on these miniature garments as if deciphering the passage of time. "I think those are over 20 years old," he declared. If my memory serves me right, that aligns with the year I faced the challenges of a hysterectomy, navigating through school with sheer determination.

When we moved to Idaho we planted a large garden and then the ladybugs moved in. They would sometimes sit on my lap as I drank my morning coffee outside. We loved seeing them every morning.

It was also the same year when, against the odds, we found ourselves amid the pristine beauty of Wallace Falls. On a day when my pain levels allowed, we engaged in a spontaneous snowball fight, the laughter echoing against the backdrop of nature's serenity. Seeking warmth, we later cozied up with hot cocoa at a humble truck stop. Amidst the hushed tales of others, we sat in shared silence, a language only understood by hearts entwined.

Hallie was still alive when Kevin purchased this in a small store in Idaho. Nutmeg came home to us that year. We miss Hallie more than anyone can know. I cried when I hung this on the tree this year.

It was a year marked by tears outnumbering smiles, making each fleeting grin a treasure. In those moments, the weight of challenges illuminated the value of joy, and these little sweaters, snug with stories, stand as a testament to a time when every smile, no matter how scarce, was cherished like a precious gem.

As this moment unfolds, allow me to share a bit of auntie wisdom, as aunties often do. Take a journey into the corridors of your memories, my dear, and hold onto the good times like a cherished heirloom. Picture yourself in the years to come, an old soul regaling tales with your grandkids, relishing those treasured moments that time can never steal.

I once picked my husband up from a designated spot post-hike. He had come face-to-face with a bear who was nonplussed by his presence. We found this ornament that year.

And amidst the rush of life, pause to gaze at the lights that adorn the neighborhoods around you. Let their warm glow be a balm to your spirit, allowing the feelings of joy and care to seep deep into your soul. These lights, like the stars in a timeless sky, illuminate the beauty woven into the fabric of your existence.

During COVID we were told to shelter in our homes in Washington State. As we all retreated the wildlife that had originally inhabited our area returned. This included a spotted owl that took refuge in our apple tree. Kevin found this ornament online.

As you move forward, tread with the awareness that every smile, no matter how fleeting, holds significance. Likewise, honor every tear, for it speaks to the depth of your emotions. Life is a tapestry woven with threads of both joy and sorrow, and in embracing both, you paint a richer, more profound canvas. So, my dear, journey forth with a heart attuned to the symphony of emotions, knowing that each note, whether of happiness or sorrow, contributes to the melody of a life well-lived.

Love,

Auntie Cheena

Well, here we go again. Puff pastry and healing go together.

 There are times when everything is going so well. Nothing in the world can stop me! Then the World raises its hand, and I say, "Yes, World. What would you like to add to this discussion?" There is a smirk from the World. This is not uncharacteristic, so I do not notice how evil the smirk is. Then the World answers with more adversity than I can possibly handle. I should have chosen to stick to my practice of not accepting raised hands in the classroom. WHERE IN THE HELL ARE THE POPSICLE STICKS?! I heard my mind scream and did not respond.

Do you know who answers the World now? My loving marriage, quiet home, family, friends, and golden retrievers answer the World with, "We've got this!" The World repeatedly tried tearing me down, and my support system raised its hands and paws. I called on them, and they answered! 

The truth is I also called in reinforcements...my psychologist. I have names for him, but I normally call him my "copay friend." If you are a therapist, DO NOT be offended. My mental health has been tenuous my entire life. Actually, that is putting it lightly. I call him my "copay friend" because I need to make this mental health professional less of a threat to my mind. Sound dramatic? It is. When you have led a life filled with trauma you need a therapist who feels less threatening to your heart and mind. So this is how I do this. I call him my "copay friend."

My family health history is rife with mental illness. I am careful to make all of my appointments. I am not late; if I cannot make it, I will reschedule immediately. If a doctor wants to do an assessment, I say yes. I want to make sure I am well, and I am. Do you do this? Do you have a copay friend? I highly recommend this!

So what happened? Two seizures within 72 hours caused me to split my lip wide open, and a bump on my head that we think was caused by hitting my head on the metal headboard. Got a joke or smirk for that one? Yeah. The World does too. As well as a crude acquaintance, I will take a break from seeing or speaking to. Judge if you will, but having friends in your life should not require a hazmat suit to be around them.

So how did that happen? Stress. Lots of Stress and a missed dose of medication amongst the timeline of stress. 

So what now? I have set alarms on my phone, and he has set alarms on his phone so that I do not miss a dose of medication. I gave notice at my job because I cannot drive 2 hours a day according to WA state law. The union had to help me with that. I am finishing some prerequisites for my Ph.D. and hoping to find a job closer to home.

So will this keep happening? It might. It might not. I have epilepsy. It will never go away. I cannot tell the future. I sure wish I could, though?

In response to all of this, I have been cooking and baking. Some of it has been terrible, but this one was FABULOUS.

You need:

Preheat the oven to the temperature indicated on the puff pastry box.

Puff pastry from Trader Joe's or a local bakery. Defrost them. Cut them into squares. This has 2 sleeves in the box, so it made quite a few. Cut them to the size you desire.

A jar of jam. My favorite jam is the one we make every year. This year it was strawberry rhubarb.

One tablespoon of powdered sugar waiting in a sif

A bag of frozen spinach, defrosted, and all of the liquid squeezed out

The zest of one medium-sized lemon

The juice of that same lemon

One lightly beaten large egg for the filling. Get the pasture-raised if you can and if you live in the country, drive around to see who sells them by their front door.

One large egg with a teaspoon of water lightly beaten in a separate bowl.

For the jam-filled pastry:

Set the pastry squares on a silpat or parchment paper

Put one tablespoon of jam in the center and spread diagonally. I used 2 tablespoons. You choose! 

Pull up opposite ends of the pastry, pinch them together tightly, and roll the ends over. I did not pinch well. You can tell.

Brush with the egg wash around the pastry.

Bake for approximately 25-30 minutes. Check that puff pastry box for timing. Mine is an all-butter puff pastry. If yours is not, the timing may change.

The pastry should be medium brown and crisp to the touch when removed.

Let it cool, and then dust it with powdered sugar. Enjoy these with French-pressed coffee.

For the savory filled pastry:

Mix the spinach, lemon zest, lemon juice, feta, and egg together. Season with a pinch of kosher salt.

Fill the center of the puff pastry with the filling and spread diagonally. I like mine full of filling. It was about 3 or 4 tablespoons worth. 

Pull up opposite ends of the pastry, pinch them together tightly, and roll the ends over. I did not pinch well. You can tell.

Brush with the egg wash around the pastry.

Bake for approximately 25-30 minutes. Check that puff pastry box for timing. Mine is an all-butter puff pastry. If yours is not, the timing may change.

The pastry should be medium brown and crisp to the touch when removed.

Let them cool, and then serve with a mixed green salad. We use a balsamic vinaigrette. We also drink a lemon San Pellegrino with lots of ice.

My husband reheats these in the convection oven. He also likes the jam-filled pastry with a slice of cold manchego cheese for tea time. I get it if you do not have tea time in your home. Who really has the time? Just eat it on the go!

Auntie Cheena